Posted by Paul Edwards (Fr. Paul) on Feb 21, 2012 | Comments (2)

Common Sense About Your Anger

I have a pair of short range glasses for reading the fine print. There are times I have had to sign something and been caught without them. No matter how far away I put the paper I still cannot read the small print.

In one way, we all have this pair of reading glasses. At times we may hesitate to put them on when needed. We try to squint our way through without them. We can see things but we cannot read them. An example of this is watching reality TV. The one common theme they all have is their anger. There are husbands who abuse wives and blame them for their anger. Women can get into furious hair pulling fights. They blame others for causing their anger or they say they don't know why they get angry.

I do not watch much of that kind of reality TV. I do enjoy watching shows like Dr. Phil. He attempts to help people work through their anger. If the other reality shows helped them work on their anger, they would probably go off the air in a short time. For some people, watching other people fight reinforces their reasons to fight.

Why do people get angry? That is the question to ask and discover. Some think there are too many reasons for anger.  They have to work with each incident one at a time. The problem here, is they are dealing with the symptom, not the cause. When you deal with one symptom at a time, you are trying to put out fires around a powder keg. The need is to get rid of the powder keg.

We need to put on our spiritual reading glasses. First, we must recognize the common sense that there is only one cause for our anger. It is our thoughts and how we think about the event. When we experience a negative event, what we think about the event creates our feeling of anger.

This is hard to believe unless you personally can discover it for yourself. You cannot just read about it. If you have doubts, you have to use your own person experience of anger to have the common sense to discover where it comes from.

Let's get started.

Think of some one or something that makes you really angry when you think about it.

Now take your time as you look back on it.  Think of times when you have been angrier than at other times.  You can dismiss this by saying you have always been angry the same way all of the time. This is common irrational thinking. When we think irrationally, we will act irrationally.

Now look back at times when you have been angry about the situation or the person. See how and when your mood has made a difference.  It is common sense that when we are in a high mood, feeling joyful, we tend to have less lasting anger than then we are in a low mood and feeling unhappy.

This is not a matter of belief.  It is common sense that we must discover from our own experience.  If at times we feel more anger than at other times, and if our mood makes a difference, then it is common sense that it can not be the event that created our anger. If it was, we would feel the same anger about the negative event all the time.  It would like putting your hand on a hot plate. You will always get the same burn because the hot plate that causes it. The event could not be the cause, so it must be the way you think about it.

Now, take a moment as you look back on your experience.  Realize you do not have to be angry every time you think of what happened. It is common sense that if you THINK you always have to feel hurt, you will always be a victim.  The event or the person owns you.  When you get tired of being an irrational victim, the truth will set you free.

Now take one more time and realize that it would be possible, just possible, that you could actually be in Peace not about the event, but at Peace IN the event.  It is common irrational sense for you try to be at Peace about an unforgivable event or unlovable person. There never will be any closure for you. To seek closure, begin to consciously wonder what difference being in your inner Peace Presence makes when you think of the event.

For this to become common sense, it may take you some quiet time alone over a period of time. Once you can do it here, you can do it anywhere. All you have to do is to put on your reading glasses to read the fine print.

Comments (2)

  1. Traci:
    Mar 03, 2012 at 02:08 PM

    Thank you for your words. Common sense about anger and where it comes from has been quite the journey for me. Although, I am still eager for more information and knowledge on healing anger, these simple words are very profound. The trusting in God and He has a plan just haven't worked for me. I come from a long line of angry people where rage has destroyed lives and taken life. I struggle with my own rage and often feel very out of control. No matter how many times I have practiced taking control, giving it to God, or meditating the inevitability that the rage will resurface is always there. I feel your words will be one more tool for me to use. Thank you!


    1. Paul Edwards:
      Mar 13, 2012 at 04:19 PM

      Thank you Traci for your feed back. It is very helpful.
      I will be putting four more articles to include Anger Complex, Moving on from your Anger, Guilt Complex and the Emotional Sandwich. I would be glad to send them to you as attachments if you think it would be helpful.
      Bless you
      Fr Paul


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