Moving Past Anger
ASK THE REV: Moving Past Anger. How Can I Move Past My Anger? I have tried to bottle up my anger in my marriage for ten years. I am angry with my husband. He walks all over me. I have lost all patience. My problem is, I can't get past this anger. I just want all of this to disappear. The only thing that keeps me from getting a divorce is my children. I have tried getting rid of my anger, but I can't. I need help on what to do.
When we have a problem lasting more than four or six weeks, it is no longer the problem. The problem is your solution. If you had the right solution you would not be having a ten year old anger problem. It is possible you brought your anger with you into the relationship.
There are only three choices we can make for a solution. The first solution is to change whatever is causing the anger. The answer you suggest to get rid of the anger at your husband is to get a divorce. Neither choice, getting divorced or staying married, would make you happy. The choice would be which one makes you less miserable. In other words, you are not ready at this time to make this decision.
You have an anger problem you will take with you wherever you go. You need to deal with your anger first to solve your problem, rather than trying to solve your problem to get rid of your anger.
It is important to realize your thoughts, not your husband's, create your feelings of anger. Until your realize this you will never be able to control your anger. Your anger will always control you. You will always be a victim of your anger and a victim of anyone else who can push your buttons.
The anger you feel about what your husband does is caused by how you see or think about it. The event created a negative thought that created your anger. If you could find a good thought about your husband you could change your negative feeling of anger into one that is positive. You then would be able to see him differently.
The more you have been a victim of your anger the harder it is to find that positive thought. Sometimes, you hit a wall of an event that is unforgivable or unlovable. You cannot find anything to think positive about it.
You will need to stay with the understanding that your anger is created by your thought. You never can get rid of your anger or give it up if you think it is not yours. It is not a cause for your response. It is a symptom of your thought. You have no anger in you. You have angry thoughts that cause the feelings of anger. The sickness must be treated to be rid of the symptom. When you treat the symptom of anger you still are sick.
The problem here is your anger has been with you for a long time. You are used to it. You may not be friends with it, but you enjoy your anger at times. It is difficult to get rid of something you have grown up with, even if it is not helping you now.
Rather than spending time trying to get rid of your anger or to change your negative thoughts about what happened, there is another way. It takes time and much practice, but it always works when used properly and regularly.
We all have within us the power of a Presence. It can transcend our anger and change our negative thought. We can get in touch with this Presence by using our conscious heart not our rational head. Only you can discover this for yourself.
It is not what you were thinking
It is how you are thinking
Take a quiet moment to discover the difference between what you are thinking and how you are thinking. Think of your anger toward something your husband did. Wonder what difference it would make if you were feeling the Presence of the Peace of God. If you can get in touch with the Presence, you will receive a Wisdom you could not have if you were out of God's Presence and feeling angry.
This does not mean you should or should not get a divorce. That decision should only be made when you can distinguish the difference being open or closed to the Presence of the Love, Peace and Joy of God within you.